How many people hold-quot; this is how I talk, do you mind & quot; this sentence to hurt people?
when I was a child, because I was particularly "thin", I was nicknamed "Baiyaozi" by several joking relatives, which probably means "drug addict" from the dialect, and then slowly, almost all my relatives called me this nickname. Even my cousins will call me that, if I am angry, they will be very happy.
the nickname stayed with me throughout my childhood, and during that long period of time, I hardly ever left home on my own initiative except for going to school, because I was afraid to hear it.
although I didn't quite understand the meaning of the word "drug abuse" at that time, from every time people called this nickname, everyone's smiling faces and a few words when my mother stopped it, I knew it was a bad thing, and I always thought, I didn't do this bad thing, why did you talk about me like that?
now when I think about it, I think it doesn't matter. Now if someone calls me that, I think he's retarded. But I still won't forget the influence of that nickname on me. You may think it's funny, but I think that even if everyone thinks that the nickname is just joking or even teasing you, but the person who is given the nickname feels aggrieved, then the nickname is "murder weapon".
later, I talked to my mother about my nickname when I was a child. she said she couldn't remember what grade I was in, only that I was very young and we went to visit the grave together.
when I came back, I stayed in my room by myself. When she came to call me for dinner, I suddenly asked her, "what is white medicine? is it something very bad?"
from then on, every time someone called me this nickname, she would stop it angrily, because she was afraid that I would be sad.
after I went to college, I often volunteered in a welfare home for the disabled. After I moved to the campus in Guangzhou this year, it was very inconvenient for me to go back and forth, but I still kept in touch with some of my garden friends.
one of them is called A P. Except for some holidays, his family will come to pick him up, he spends most of his time in the garden, and he seldom takes part in some usual activities, unless a few volunteers he trusts accompany him.
when he has trouble asking me for help, if I don't have time to go there, I will tell him that you can ask a volunteer for help, and he will say, "No, just come and help me next time."
I asked why many times, but he refused to answer. Finally, once he said faintly on the other end of the phone, "because only you will help me." Besides, no matter how much we ask, he doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
during the summer vacation this year, A P suddenly called me and told me that he didn't want to perform. At the end of that month, they had a joint show on people with disabilities, and there was also a show in their hospital, and A P was one of the performers.
I asked him what was wrong. He said that there would be a rehearsal next week. He thought his performance was very bad, so he didn't want to go. He kept telling me that he would lose face and he was timid. I spent a long time persuading him. I kept telling him that you don't have to care too much about other people's eyes. If you think you're not performing well, just practice a few more times and try to realize the best of yourself to everyone.
finally I said I was tired. Can only say to him repeatedly: "it's all right, as long as you perform on stage, people will think you are great, and no one will talk about you."
on the other end of the phone, he suddenly cried. He said, "Yes, there will be. There was also a performance three years ago. After the performance, some people said that I was not a good dancer and how I danced like this." I've never been on the show since then, and I'm afraid people will still talk about me. "
I was confused and a little at a loss. While calming him, I tried to explain what others said was bad about his performance.
he suddenly said, "it's six o'clock. You're going to dinner."
I didn't react for a moment, "what?"
"didn't you tell me not to call you at mealtime last time? you were going to dinner at this time last time. Go and eat. I'm hanging up. "
after hanging up the phone, I have been thinking about what kind of person would say that to ah P. Maybe he was just a passer-by who came to see the show. Maybe he didn't know their physical condition at all. Maybe he really just wanted to joke.
but he may not have thought that one of his words would have done such harm to A P.
and for three years, A P has never forgotten.
at that moment, I suddenly realized that A P had lived there for a long time and came into contact with a limited world, so he remembered everything others said.
at the end of that month, I went to see the show and found that there was no A-P on the stage.
I remember that in the earlier episode of Kangxi, there was an episode about outspoken topics, and Xiao s shared a story with you.
one day Xiao s took her eldest daughter out to dinner and met an acquaintance. She pointed to s's eldest daughter and asked, "is this your eldest daughter?"
s is right. Then the man said, "I think your little girl is cute."
s said: "the eldest daughter is also very cute, just two different feelings."
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"No, I still think the little girl is cuter."
after saying this, the man left. The eldest daughter of
s sat quietly for a while and then said,
"Mom, I want to go back and hold my bunny."
after telling the story, Xiao s wailed on the program. in her heart, she thought her daughters were lovely, but a casual remark from others directly broke her eldest daughter's heart.
Xiao s shared the story because the guest of the show said on the program that she had said in front of her sister that her nephew was ugly and ugly. Small sAfter listening to this, he said excitedly, "you can't call him ugly in front of a child." but the guest thought that he should be realistic. If he is not good-looking, he should say that he is not good-looking.
the guest felt that she was right to tell the truth, and she did nothing wrong.
but S feels that you are right to tell the truth, but you have to consider other people's feelings when you tell the truth.
just like many people have experienced "malice from acquaintances", the most typical is the comment in moments. They will always make quick comments and throw cold water on you.
and they will still feel that they are just telling the truth, that you are too glassy to listen to unpleasant words.
"that's what I think. I'm just saying how I feel."
they always say that they don't live to please anyone, but they forget that people don't live to hurt everyone.
I have always felt that the power of words is so great that even casual jokes can be lethal at some times. What is even more frightening is that when a sentence is said, there is often a great deviation between "what I think" and "what you think".
and this deviation, it can kill a friendship, but also kill a person's enthusiasm.
finally, I remembered a line that I want to end the day with:
"do you know why human beings are always jealous of each other, because it is always easier to attack others than to change themselves?"