One's efforts need to be affirmed. If no one sees it, it will only continue to make a difference.
I went to the city courtyard to give a speech yesterday. A good friend who had known each other for nearly ten years happened to be nearby. I asked him if he wanted to hear it. He said, "well, I haven't seen you for a long time, too."
We are junior high school classmates. He is the eldest son of the family business. when he graduated from high school, he drove me to the next town for breakfast in his BMW. At that time, I joked with him: "if I don't have a job in the future, please accept me."
he smiled and said, "No problem", with confidence in his eyes.
but one year an accident happened to one of the partners in the family, which took away most of the money and left them with a large amount of usury borrowed from somewhere. In order to meet their urgent needs, they had to sell their cars and houses.
his mode of travel has also changed from the original BMW to a domestic car that is nearly scrapped.
seeing him at that time, he was all gray-faced. I asked him, "is everything all right?"
he smiled and said, "I'm fine."
I know there's something wrong with him, and I know there's nothing I can do.
later, he applied for suspension and went back to his home company to help.
We seldom chat on Wechat. Communication between men and words will never make any difference. It's better for two people to drink beer, joke, and then scold the fucking life.
although I seldom chat, every time I come home, I ask him out for a few drinks. At times like this, as a friend, that's all I can do.
after the lecture, he drove me and VIVI home. That car has changed back to a BMW from that shabby domestic car.
on the highway, when we talked about the atmosphere last night, he looked up at me in the rearview mirror and said, "you know, when I talked to you, I knew you were going to be great."
I said, "Damn it, why do you suddenly praise me?"
"No, I just think of the past few years. If it hadn't been for your good friends, I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to hold on long ago."
for a moment, I didn't know how to pick him up. In fact, we didn't bring any substantial help to his work. It was his own efforts that really got him out of the predicament.
but he regards our friends as more important than his efforts over the past few years.
when I got off, I said, "Thank you."
he said, "well, thank you, too."
when I was in the fifth grade, I met the first girl I liked. She always wears a long ponytail. Although she is not a cute girl, she has a delightful personality.
I was her back desk at that time, and in order to get her attention, I decided to deliberately fail my math on the mid-term exam. After the
grade came out, I pretended to be extremely distressed, and sure enough, the self-study class in the second half of the semester became her tutoring class for me.
in fact, I already knew those questions, but as soon as she turned around, I forgot all about them.
but just two weeks before the end of term, she didn't come to school. At first I thought she was sick and didn't care much. But three or four days later, I couldn't sit still any longer. I went to the office to find the head teacher and asked her what was wrong.
the head teacher said, "she is ill and needs to be observed in the hospital these days."
that was the last time I heard from her. Until the exam and the start of school again, her position was empty and she didn't come back.
I still remember that on the first day of school, the teacher said that a new student was also a girl. The teacher said, "just sit there. That seat is empty." I cried wildly that day, because I was still a child in the fifth grade, and because I lost my favorite girl.
when I got home, my mother asked me if I had a fight.
I said, "that position is not empty, there is still her comb in it."
this is not a made-up story, so I haven't met her since.
later I met my primary school head teacher and asked him if he remembered the sick girl.
the head teacher said, "Yes, she came back to go through the transfer formalities with her parents later."
"then why on earth did she transfer?"
"gamble, owe money, and move back to my hometown."
the nine simple words sum up the biggest change that happened to the 12-year-old girl.
I don't know if I'll ever have a chance to meet her in my life, but if I did, I wouldn't recognize her long ago. And she may not want to recognize me, because I can bring back her painful memories.
in retrospect, it's still a little sad. I often wonder, when she was only 12 years old at that time, when she went to a new school, would she still meet a boy who liked her like me? Can you make new good friends easily? Will anyone else care about her and listen to her tell her story?
when I think of this, I hate the twelve-year-old me. I should have gone to her, even though the head teacher said she was sick. I should ask for her number, even find her original home, wait for her at the door, and then tell her, "what's the matter with you?"
if she wants to, I want to cry with her, because in the fifth grade, I don't even know how to say comforting words except crying.
everyone has had a hard time. If I go back to the age of twelve, I hope I can give her even the slightest companionship during her stumbling years, which is the only thing I can do and what I want to do most.
I went to eat sushi with Vivi last week and talked about a friend who was suffering from depression. I said, "the bad thing is that he doesn't want to tell the people around him that he's sad, so that everyone thinks he's okay." But itsThere's something wrong with him. I can feel it. "
Vivi said, "of course you can feel it, because that's who you used to be." Do you remember the night when you hugged me in the street three years ago? At that time, we were not officially together, you asked me if I could have a hug, and I said yes. When you hold it, you cry, you tell me about your family, tell me about what you've been through. Before that night, I never thought that you had so many negative emotions in your heart when you were always laughing. "
I seemed to forget and asked her, "was I really that negative before?" Give me a hug and cry? "
she said, "really, without me, you wouldn't know what to do now."
I'm afraid to talk, because all the memories are pouring into my head.
Yes, I used to be, like, that kind of person. Because I felt that other people had not experienced that kind of change, how could I empathize with me, so I learned how to hide my emotions and be able to pretend to be what other people want to see.
but this is useless. One's efforts need to be affirmed. If no one sees it, it will only continue to make a difference.
so I got better later, really because I met someone I could talk to.
I don't know if this is a mockery of fate, but fate never seems to be. Because it will not tell you any reason, it wants you to fall, you can only fall down. And you can never avoid those sudden slaps in the face. You can't resist and beg for mercy. All you can do is stand straight in front of fate until your cheeks are flushed and swollen until the nosebleeds come out.
but sometimes it also gives you a key person or two, giving you a chance to turn the tide.
and all we have to do is go straight ahead. Until you meet them and hold on to them.
so if you fall today, get up. No matter how red and swollen your face is today, don't be too afraid, because one day the redness and swelling will subside.
go, keep going.
they are waiting for you right ahead.
believe me, at that time, you will find that the previous pain has become a compliment from fate.
keep going not because life is bound to get better
, but because you want to know what the future will look like
. Next Thursday night
We will go to UIC in Zhuhai to share