A very practical, but also slightly cold suggestion.
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the "boss" position is proposed because as a team leader, it is easy to get in touch with certain vulnerable moments of team members, and in those fragile moments, it is easy to inspire them to recognize me.
but this is actually unfair.
so every time I am trusted, I emphasize to myself that this may not be true.
it's just that after going through something, I understand that that trust is a specific product of a certain situation, and after breaking away, it turns into a commemorative trophy, which is of no use but memories.
this "most people", of course, includes me at that time.
the result is that by the time "cannot be seen", he and I have gone to the position where we have to part ways.
so every time I think back in hindsight, I feel that I did too badly with him in that matter.
one, I should get rid of "that emotion" earlier and let the team return to the matter of "doing things." as long as someone's ability can't keep up with it and whose practice is inappropriate, he will immediately point it out and talk about the matter on a case-by-case basis, instead of turning a blind eye and giving him the illusion that "this is OK."
two, I am the Leader of the team. Once two people disagree, it is up to me to make the final decision. And the more decisions I have, it means I should do more instead of really "doing nothing".
three, even at the last minute, I was arguing with each other about "whether I am right for you" and "whether you are right for me". Arguing about these "feelings" precisely shows that we have confused "feelings" with "work".
it's just that I really thought of him as a "very important" friend.
if we had separated work and life earlier,
if we could be as mature and rational as we are today,
because you are a Leader, your job is to grasp where things are going. You need to be at the top to see the situation and lead the team to do the right thing, rather than accepting a "compromise" to take into account the feelings of others.
that's why, I think, it's a good thing not to be moved.
and at some point, the other person feels good, just because of the illusion that he or she has been under your management for a long time.
so what I mean by "not being moved" is not only for the Leader of the team, but also for the inexperienced team members. Often listen to other people's stories, as if there are only two kinds of Leader in the workplace, either highly respected or nasty.
so all we have to do is to get as many marks as possible on what is in front of us, and then, when we have the spare power, to help the team go further, such as "deep feelings" and "my team will take care of each other". That's not the point.
of course, my experience is that friendships like those mentioned above rarely occur in the workplace, so many people learn what "loneliness" means only after experiencing something in the workplace.
author /Zhang Jingbi
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