As an ordinary person, do you want to accept your fate for an ordinary life?
in the year when I first went to college, there were great changes in my family because of some things. Overnight, my assets were close to zero and I was heavily in debt. Even my college tuition was borrowed from others. It never occurred to me that I, who had no worries about food and clothing, would need to submit an application for financial aid one day.
that day the counselor told the class to ask the students who need to apply for financial aid to go to her after the evening study. At that time, I thought it was very shameful for me, so I didn't want anyone else to know. In order to cover people's eyes, I lied to my roommates who usually went with me after class, saying that I had to go without evening classes, and then ran to the bathroom of the teaching building for two hours. I didn't dare to go into the counselor's office until the crowd dispersed after school.
after entering, the counselor's first sentence is: "do you want to apply, too?"
until now I still can't forget his smile that day.
during that time, when a friend asked me out to dinner, I would say, "No, I have work to do."
then lie in bed and silently look at the photos they sent to their moments at the party.
finally, the student who got the financial aid invited us to the dormitory for a big meal to thank you for your "cover".
I forced a smile. Although I was unwilling, I comforted myself. This is the embodiment of "people are poor and short of breath".
now I am out of that predicament, but every time I look back at myself as a freshman, I am not a little pitiful, but full of disgust.
at that time, I was obviously having a hard time, but I deliberately used "don't ask about the world" to cover up my weakness and inferiority. I didn't even dare to walk in the back, which became a kind of morbid.
but in fact, everyone has this weakness, and there may be more than one. It may be a birthmark of you, your unbearable past, your personality weakness, and anything you dare not mention. But whether you face it or not, it is always there and never gives up on you.
it is useless to hide. We have to face it and overcome it, otherwise it will only lead to more weaknesses.
I suddenly think of a man on my Wechat named A Shan. When he exists in my circle of friends, I can smell different styles of sour taste every day.
An and his friends went to eat a hot pot with a per capita consumption of less than 100 yuan, and posted a picture in the moments. Ah Shan commented at the bottom: "good tuhao, I can't afford to eat." He was followed by a sad expression with drooping corners of his mouth.
B posted the scenery map of the holiday with his family to his moments, and A Shan said, "I really envy you. I have to work in the field." With that sad look on the back.
or post a picture of farming at home or serving dishes outside the school, with the words "Why are people born unfair?"
even near the beginning of school, he complained in the group that his family could not collect the tuition fees, and asked if everyone could send him a red envelope so that he could collect his living expenses.
Get set to buy a stunning wedding dress without train and be the centre of attention. Quit searching from expensive retailers!
Don't say, a girl really sent him a red envelope.
later I secretly asked the girl what she thought. When she answered me, she didn't even look up, but said faintly, "nothing, just pity him."
in fact, A Shan is really poor, can not afford to eat is true, serving dishes is true, farming is also true. But his method of expression went a little too far. At a dormitory party, A Shan had a few drinks. When he talked about moments, his eyes turned red: "do you think I like to be hated, but I would rather be blackened than others look down on me."
he mentioned that when he was in junior high school, he was often teased by the class because he was poor.
he said that he had to get up at five o'clock in the morning in the second year of junior high school, because some students would turn his desk to the ground while he was away and leave footprints on his exercise book. It's no use talking to the teacher, so I have to go back early and keep watch.
after that night, I met Ah Shan again.
for fear of being ridiculed by others, let yourself first create an image of poverty; because of a need for self-protection, let people accept themselves as "the less capable, the less responsible"; and because they want to win the sympathy and protection of others, so spare no effort to show your predicament.
A Shan is "sick" and desperately tries to pull his weakness out of his body, but he seems to be begging the world for mercy.
I like the word "neither humble nor arrogant".
that night we returned to the dormitory from the big stall, and I sent it to A Shan before I fell asleep.
in the Song of Ice and Fire, Tyrion said, "never forget who you are, because the world will never forget." You have to turn resistance into motivation so that you have no weakness. Arm yourself with it, and no one can use it to hurt you. "
and "neither humble nor arrogant" is the driving force to turn the weakness into a sharp blade, and the first step to arm yourself with it. If even you dare not face up to your weakness from the very beginning, to deny yourself, and then use this as an excuse to say, "this is what I am", that is really the only way to do it.
so "never forget who you are", so is Ah Shan, and so am I.
but words and lines can never redeem anyone, only themselves. They can only encourage you to make decisions, but it's up to you to take the first step in the end.
now whenever I see Ah Shan's occasional status quo, when he fights with others over something, and when he assumes some responsibility on his own, his thin body always seems to be full of unspeakable strength.
I never thought I changed A Shan, and I don't know what happened to him after that. It's all about him.My own redemption. I know that his weakness is slowly turning into a sharp blade, and one day it will become his hardest armor.
the thorn once wrote a sentence that I like very much, he said: "you will still break, but each time after reshaping, you will become stronger."
I hope you can also use your weaknesses as armor one day.