Sometimes I'm routed.

Sometimes I'm routed.
What do I do when I'm anxious?

I joined a club when I was a freshman. At that time, I didn't have any concept of time management at all, so there was often confusion and entanglement in all my work.

the one that impressed me most was a send-off party. I was responsible for writing the event planning book for the party. After I slept only five hours a night for four or five days in a row, and finally wrote an activity planning book that everyone, including myself, liked very much, accidents poured in.

the sponsor suddenly withdrew the funds, and all three performing teams were unable to come temporarily because the renovation needed to replace the new venue, and the originally scheduled host may not be able to attend because of health reasons.

when these things happen, there are only two days left before the orientation party begins.

what bothers me even more is that I had four exams in those two days, each of which was more and more important. The planning of this send-off party is very important to me, and I want to do it well, but at the same time, the pressure of the exam is like a sword hanging over my head, which makes me uneasy.

under this anxiety, I write activity planning books that are getting worse every time, and rubbish every time. I obviously think I have the ability to write it well, but no matter how hard I try to modify it, I can't make myself satisfied.

it was as if there was suddenly a wall in front of me, and behind the wall was something I really wanted, so I hit my head desperately. I hit a lot of cracks in the wall, and I was so close to breaking it.

but in the end, it seems that my own head broke first.

A little gap is often more irritating than a huge gap, because a huge gap will make people retreat, and a little gap will make people want to pursue. But in the middle of the pursuit, I found that no matter how much I reached out, I couldn't reach that little distance.

there is obviously a methodology, and there is still time, but you just can't touch it, you just can't touch it.

the more clearly I realized the problem, the more painful I became, and finally I posted a self-abandoning text on my moments:


I have a very good friend, Zhou. We know each other very well, whether it's what we like to eat or how we behave when we feel sick.

not long after sending that moments, A Zhou called me three times, but I didn't answer all of them.

because I was full of planning books at that time, and there was only one idea in my mind, that is, I will kill anyone who dares to disturb me in writing this plan book.

when A Zhou's fourth phone rang, I answered her impatiently and asked her, "what?"

"I'm in the water. I'll bring you a cup of Mango Pudding milk tea. Will you come downstairs and get it later?"

Mango Pudding milk tea is my favorite drink.

I took a heavy breath and slurped: "No, I don't want to drink."

"shall I send you upstairs?" Zhou asked me tentatively.

"I said I don't want it. Would you please leave me alone? " At that time, I just wanted to hang up the phone and continue to struggle painfully in the planning book, and gave an impatient roar.

". Mm-hmm. "

the moment A Zhou uttered this syllable, I immediately hung up on her, but the moment I hung up, I looked at the screen and froze.

I can't help asking myself, "what on earth did I just do?"

A Zhou she was kind enough to buy me my favorite drink, but I stabbed her with extreme sharpness and indifference.

it was at that moment that I realized that anxiety seemed to hurt people more easily than anger.

anger comes all of a sudden and spreads very quickly. You only need to hold back your temper for that moment to prevent your anger from causing harm to the people around you.

but anxiety is like a warm-boiled frog, it secretly heats up your emotions bit by bit, and when you come to realize that your emotions are a little hot, you have done irreparable harm to others.

as you might think, I didn't feel much better after hanging up the phone. I was still miserable in the cycle of making garbage and deleting it.

finally I gave up and turned in a plan that I was not very satisfied with before I turned it back on.

after thinking about it, I still called A Zhou.

A Zhou seemed to be waiting for me by the phone. After the first ring, she answered the phone.

I hurriedly said, "Sorry, I just lost my temper."

she said as if nothing had happened, "it's all right, have you finished your stuff?"

"it's done, but," I laughed at myself, "I handed in a piece of garbage. But if you give me two more days, I can certainly do it well. There have been too many accidents recently. As you know, I can't do things well when I'm in a hurry. "

before I finished, A Zhou interrupted me:" come on, in fact, you know better than me, even if you give you ten more days, you can't do this planning well. "

I froze, then bowed my head and sighed, "well, that's true."

"so don't think so much and go to sleep." After that, A Zhou hung up the phone.

I thought about many endings, but I didn't think that our conversation that night would end like this. Oddly enough, I became very calm after saying the word "it is so".

although he is still lost, he is no longer anxious.

this is the feeling of admitting that you are rubbish.

the next night, Zhou told me that she caught a cold on the way to running.

I was very sad when I heard the news, because A Zhou told me that she would only run when she was anxious.

I will replyWhen the boss thought about the night I yelled at her, her aggrieved tone seemed to hide her own anxiety. I pursed my lips and said, "I'll deliver the ginger tea."

I don't know why I suddenly panicked that night, but I was at a loss when I was usually good at cooking a simple order of ginger tea.

when I stumbled and handed ginger tea to A Zhou's hand, I suddenly breathed a sigh of relief, touched my head and said, "I'm sorry."

my panic stems from my concern and guilt for Zhou. I hurt my good friend instead of helping her when she needed emotional catharsis.

and when I told her the idea, she smiled and said, "it's all right, you needed to vent at that time."

after a while, she added: "by the way, although I said that about you yesterday, I still think you are quite good." If it were me, I would have run away from those situations. And from another angle, I actually try my best, isn't that enough? "

"well, that's enough." I said as I walked.

but what I thought to myself at that time was: well, as long as you are willing to support me, that's enough.

once I always wanted to overthrow anxiety, but I forgot that anxiety can't be knocked down.

because no matter how strong you are, no matter how many walls you have broken, a new wall will suddenly appear in front of you. You never know how thick or high the next wall will be, but you know better than anyone that there are countless walls behind this wall.

so sometimes, in addition to making ourselves stronger, what we need more is heartfelt support.

that's why I thought "that's enough" at that moment.

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it's easy to get stronger, but it's hard to have someone like Zhou who always thinks of himself as a treasure.

so for a long time later, no matter how depressed I was, as long as she said, "you are really good," I would feel invincible; no matter how timid I was, as long as I looked up and saw her accompany me, I would have the courage to move on.

because of her, even if I hit my head in the face of so many walls later, I still have the most touching support.

I hope that when you are routed, you will also meet someone who is willing to wake you up and support you unconditionally. Good night.

because something went wrong, we didn't have time to push it to the disorganized reader at zero.

the four of us were sitting in the Internet cafe when we watched the clock turn to 00:00.

the editor-in-chief who is rewriting suddenly turned around and asked me, "do you have to send it tonight?"

I said, "well, I want to send it tonight."

Sorry, we are late tonight.