I may have no excuse to say hello to you.
some time ago, because I was in a low mood, I deleted or locked all the photos in my moments. I knew full well that I should communicate with others more when I was depressed, but I always shut myself down and didn't let anyone know my weakness and truth. I thought I could protect myself; deleted 88 photos and 12 moments, thinking that I had finished saying goodbye to the past, and then pretended to be a little more mature.
but almost every day of that week, I received some "?" from people I didn't normally contact. Or "." At first I didn't understand what they were doing, and I replied to them seriously, "what's wrong?"
later, I updated my moments, and a friend commented below: "so you didn't block me?" So I know that usually some people really pay attention to your situation, quietly click into your avatar from time to time, and then click on the return in the upper left corner, without leaving a trace.
it turns out that I don't know anyone who has been to my moments. In that case, some people won't know. I quietly check his moments before I go to bed every night.
it's good not to leave a trace. After all, I dare not let you know.
# haven't been in touch for too long. I'm afraid I'm not qualified to ask you how are you?
two years ago, May and I still kept in touch with each other in a letter once a week after graduation. We didn't talk about deep feelings or topics, but just chatted about everyone's mediocre situation. The most exciting thing in the letter was who dreamt about a guy I liked.
then May emigrated to New Zealand with her family, and we didn't see each other again, and the correspondence was suspended in the summer of 2014. It is probably that our friendship has been in correspondence for a long time, and the words have been turned into daily trifles, so the content of the letter seems to be mediocre, as if knowing or not knowing those things has no effect on us.
so later, none of us offered to write again, nor did we take the initiative to tell each other the new address, so to this day, I still don't know the name of the city where my former best friend lives.
because of jet lag, she posts moments when I am about to go to bed at night, but that doesn't stop me from giving likes immediately every time she posts a circle of friends, and then take a closer look at the photos of what she said. Imagine her scratching her head when she is designing in front of the computer, and imagine her in front of the tree I can't name. What kind of boy in jeans took a picture of her.
A year and a half later, she returned home, and we met because she saw a past story accidentally written down in my circle of friends, which mentioned her. After I finished writing about it, I added: "then we all broke up."
she commented on a sad expression with a drooping mouth.
I just learned from the chat after the meeting that she actually did the same thing as me. She was the one who quickly liked every circle of friends I posted, whether it was my feelings in post-it notes or my disorganized daily routine. It's just that her behavior is often ignored by me, buried in the blue heart shape of all the likes.
"in fact, I've been keeping an eye on you, but sometimes I think you're busy, too. If you need to tell me how you've been, I guess you don't bother to tell me again, so I'll give you a like. Let you know I'm here. I even go to your moments every once in a while. Sometimes I only see a black line. I guess there are times when you are unhappy. It's just that we haven't been in touch for too long. I don't know if I want to find you. "
it turns out that sometimes our friends rely on moments to secretly guess how we have been.
# to help you chase the person you like, I know I can't ask you openly how are you? #
the last C-letter story mentioned Ashi, although she knew that the other person liked someone else, but she still had a crush on him all the time. I asked her, "I haven't liked someone for a long time. Can you tell me what secret love is like?" Then A Shi sent me a song, an English song called "Creep\". The translation of "Creep\" is "crawler", which is a very picturesque word, so I wonder why the person I love secretly is a worm crawling slowly on the ground. It is obviously a thing with the meaning of "like", why is it so unbearable?
A Shi explained to me: "you have never had a secret love or unrequited love. You don't understand that kind of sneaking around. It can be said to be a little creepy." she asked me, "have you ever tried to sneak into a person's circle of friends?"
"No." I replied guiltily that there was a small arc in the corner of her mouth. Maybe she didn't even know she laughed at herself, and because she shook her head, I judged that her smile should have been that kind of unhappy wry smile.
"you know, some time ago, I made up my mind not to like this person anymore. I even taught him how to chase the girl he liked, because only in this way can I keep in touch with him in the name of a friend. I also blocked his circle of friends. I don't want to occasionally browse the moments and suddenly appear his head picture at the bottom of the screen. I was surprised to see what he was doing.
but every night, I just can't help thinking about him, so I click into his moments to see what he did that day. It was like a drug addiction. I knew it was going to stop, but I couldn't help it, so I took a shot and told myself it was just this once. Every night, I tell myself, just this once. "
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I think Ashi is so pitiful that she obviously blocks him, and then finds out the opening picture of this person's communication record alone, and tries to understand the daily life of a person who doesn't care about her in every detail. A person who is not qualified to greet others aboveboard, how much he must torture himself before he will be like what is sung in the lyrics. "Later, I would choose to go around that street, how I wish I could meet in another street.
I once asked others, "is it a very beautiful thing to like someone?" many of them gave me a negative answer, and one of them told me this sentence-"I never thought. When I like a person, the strongest feeling in my heart is inferiority complex."
I have always thought that it is a direct way to let that person know that "I am thinking about you" by going to him when he thinks of him. But since I have also been a person who stayed up all night secretly browsing other people's moments, I would like to say that cowards miss as much as anyone else.
so, please post more moments. I want to know if your autumn is as quiet as mine.