"it's 11:00. Come on." "should the title be changed?" "otherwise, don't send it. The writing is so bad."
at 08:57 in the evening, we were sitting in a bus shelter outside Jiashan South High-speed Railway Station, writing tonight's push.
in the car 20 minutes ago, I said to Zhang Jingshi, "I have been at a loss recently. My mind is limited to thinking about what to write and what to update tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. I don't know if I should identify with and continue with this way of writing."
I haven't told him this for a long time, because to tell you the truth, I'm afraid to let him know "I want to give up".
because of the disorganized official account writing, I said to my friends, "the real me is not what you see now, but the disorganized one." because of disorganized writing, it is possible for me to find an excuse to cry in the bathroom because of the mixed comments of many people on an article. Because of my disorganized writing, I was able to make my parents want to show off at the dinner table.
because of my disorganized writing, I have two friends, eel whale and Zhang Jingshi, who can eat at any time, even changing the manuscript at 10:00, and bought the earliest ticket to travel the next day at 11:00.
all this is like the last time I half-jokingly said, "if you don't write, you won't have to be so tired." Zhang Jingzhi said, "you're stupid, don't you understand? without it, you're nothing."
of course I understand that without it, I wouldn't have written 240000 words, and I wouldn't have been called out in a subway station because of a "disorganized" bag.
but sometimes I am really tired, when everyone goes out for a big dinner, only when I see the advertiser's sentence on my phone, "the front bedding is too long, I hope to bring the product out as soon as possible"; when I come home after 12 hours of overnight activities, write the unfinished manuscript and go to bed.
many times, I was so depressed that I wanted to give up when I stayed in my room on a cloudy day and looked at the "this article is not good" on my phone. Although I am not quite sure whether I am depressed because of the gloom of the cloudy day or because the article is denied and then I have to start all over again.
because of this way of writing, emotions are reversed countless times. When there is no inspiration to write, lying in bed want to resign, finished or a sentence has been affirmed, happy enough to dress up and go out to watch a movie and eat roasted immortal grass to relax.
the day before yesterday we went to the cinema and walked on the school road when we went out. The eel whale said, "it's rare that we can go to the movies without doing anything."
I said, "Yes, and then we have to think about what will happen tomorrow. People like us always have only one day off. People like us can only live for one day. After today, if we can't write it tomorrow, we will die the day after tomorrow."
I really wanted a mechanical keyboard because I like typing and writing, but I don't know if I'm numb.
on the high-speed train, I said to Zhang Jingshi, "even if I don't do it now, I will do another thing and find another job. In fact, I know that after a period of time, I will still encounter the same problem and hesitate to continue." or confusion and self-doubt. "
he said, "take advantage of these days, keep thinking, find an answer, if you want, then continue to do it well, if not, we are reluctant to delay."
"I don't understand."
Do you want to buy the flattering midnight blue prom dresses and help bring out the charm in your figure? This is the perfect place for your stunning collection!
"keep thinking, sometimes these questions suddenly connect, and at some point you pick up a water cup, or you see a dog by the side of the road, and you will have an answer."
after getting off the bus, we wrote these words in the place where we were waiting for the bus. I didn't seem so confused.
looking up ahead, you can see that tonight is the sixteenth day of the lunar calendar, and the moon is very round and clear.
@ eel whale
one night during the summer vacation, we had midnight snacks near the school and in the street stalls. I was very depressed at that time. I didn't get any sleep for more than a week. I said, "actually, I don't like writing at all. I just put up with it."
I have been writing official accounts for more than a year. For more than a year, my daily routine is to write manuscripts, rack my brains to write a manuscript, revise it, review it, and review it. I remember that in the beginning, if it takes an hour to finish each article, it takes two hours to revise it, and it takes three hours to find a picture typesetting. Basically, you can see that the production cycle of an article takes about two days. And this does not mean that you pay for two days, and eventually your manuscript will be sent out, and your manuscript may still be killed just before the tweet.
when I was at school, every night when it was my turn to tweet, I had to take a cold bath. The time for tweeting was the time to cut off the hot water, and winter was no exception.
if you can't write a manuscript, you may get up and sit in front of the computer until the middle of the night, and you begin to doubt life, doubt that you are not fit to write at all, forget to eat, forget to drink water, forget to go to the bathroom.
even if you finish writing a draft, you will only have one day off at most, so we often say that the writer can only live one day, and the movie you want to see, the big meal you want to eat, and the street you want to go shopping have to be done on this day. Because after today, you have to continue to think about what topic to write today, how to write, what to do if you can't write it, and fall into an endless cycle.
the most obvious difference between a person who writes an official account and a writer who publishes a book may be that every time we push an article out, we only have 15 minutes to take a bath and drink a glass of water, and then you start to comment desperately. If this article is very popular, you will always brush the amount of reading, which is the most direct test for an official account. It's basically the basis for judging the success or failure of your tweet, and I even stayed up all night because an article was so popular.
and at the same time, you will write badly. When you write bad, you will look at the feedback from the readers, and you will be frightened every time.Because you are always afraid that someone will jump out and say, "I don't like you, you've changed, I'm going to get through it," even though you comfort yourself, "it doesn't matter, it's just that other people can't understand you." then you still browse the number of readings and comments every other minute, and even the first thing you do every time you wake up in the middle of the night is to try to open your eyelids and refresh the official account backstage, reassuring other editors that it's normal. But in fact, I am the one who cares the most and is the most depressed.
I used to write with a computer on the lawn of a park outing, on the dinner table where I had dinner with my family, on the corner of the airport, sitting cross-legged on the ground and holding the computer in my arms. On the bench at the bus stop, I watched the stray cats walking around with the computer, even holding the computer on the side of the deserted road in the remote countryside in the middle of being hitchhiked by a ride driver, writing in all you can imagine. Unimaginable places.
I have also thought of smashing the computer countless times and saying, "I quit your fucking job", but I suddenly thought of a point in the middle of the night. I would still turn on the light and write until dawn.
then I thought, if I say I want to give up countless times but still can't give up, then I must like this thing very much.
@ Zhang Jingshi
saw an article by Jiang Fangzhou a few days ago, in which she said: "this is people's biggest misunderstanding of writing, thinking that writing is supported by inspiration. People's imagination of the writer is'Li Bai style'. They think that their life history is constantly traveling, partying every night, having sex with men and women, and then go home and pour themselves a glass of whisky and create a novel in two hours. But in fact, there is no difference between novelists and office workers. "
although we are not really "authors", we are misunderstood to the same extent as Jiang Fangzhou said in the article. Every time I see my old friends on the road, their first words are: "you'll be happy. You can earn your living expenses by typing every day."
every time I have a helpless look on my face. I just want to argue, but I swallow the words on the edge of my mouth. Pull the corners of the mouth with the muscles of the face and squeeze out four words: "it's okay."
"OK" my ass.
I managed to write a tweet every day, and I read as much as I expected after the tweet, but I fell into panic about the next day as soon as it was past midnight. Because that tweet just sent out, no matter how unique its structure, how clear its logic, how accurate its words are, as long as it is sent out, the author will die. Whether it is "profound" or "boring", "worth retweeting" or "not worth mentioning" is the reader's business, not yours.
and it can't provide you with any accurate experience and tell you "what's right to write next time", because creators are different from athletes, you can't use real-time data to judge whether it's good or bad, the best praise for words is "immortal", but there are no prophets in this world. The text you send out can only tell you "how to write it next time is safe".
but a qualified creator will never pursue "security".
so we hover on the brink of death every day,
looking forward to a safe landing,
also looking forward to extreme escape.