Other people are not trash cans, so stop treating yourself like garbage.

Other people are not trash cans, so stop treating yourself like garbage.
Have you ever encountered the difficulty of "integrating into the group"?


one day in the middle of the night, a friend who had not talked for a long time suddenly came to me and asked, "Thorn, have you ever experienced the situation of 'blending into difficulties'?"

I was ready to go to bed at that time, and I was going to reply to him the next day.

I got up the next day and saw a long message from him.

to the effect that this summer he went to work as a new media intern in an advertising company whose main business is related to photography. The boss also did not attach importance to the text, directly and clearly said to him: "in fact, you do not need you to write very well, do a good job of typesetting, send our work to our number."

he sat in the corner during the meeting, listening to his colleagues talking about the head, recording equipment, and discussion. He found that he couldn't get a word in. He was cooped up in the corner of the office every day, writing innocuous tweets.

he thinks he is the "ghost" of the company, and even if he leaves office suddenly one day, no one may know.

the system shows that it was 4: 00 in the morning when he sent me that message.

later he posted a moments saying, "I'm garbage and I don't know what to do about the world."


it seems that we have all experienced such a situation of "not knowing what to do".

when I first entered the university department as a freshman, very little communication made me feel like a passer-by. In meetings and dinners, I have always been the one who did not speak in silence. When it came time for the change of office, the minister @ everyone on Wechat, except me. He asked, "do you want to apply for retention?"

later, when the vice minister found out, he made up for me.

when I was a sophomore, I took part in activities in Guangzhou with my friends. Most of them were students from famous universities, talking about their own experience as an exchange student abroad or as an intern in 4A.

I remember a girl from abroad asked me, "what about you? what's the most interesting thing you've ever done?"

I said very seriously, "Today's event is the most interesting thing I've ever done." Because in the first two years of the university, I never left the province except Xiamen. And in the past, I only knew how to eat, drink and make merry, and I didn't want to take part in any young people's cultural and creative activities. Today is the first time, let me realize that in the four years of college, we can do a lot of meaningful things. "after

finished, they gave a symbolic applause and then went back to their topic of Thai volunteers.

later, I went to an advertising company in Dongguan for an internship. Before the first day of work, I gave myself enough chicken blood and said to myself, "you are a disorganized editor, and you must not lose when you introduce yourself."

the result is conceivable that no one in the company knows what chaos is except the people who recruited me.

I was so embarrassed that I didn't know what to do with my hands. Put it in the pocket, it seems a little dragged; hold it in front of the abdomen, it seems a little too serious; scratch the head, it seems too childish.

Yes, I was really thinking about these nonsense questions in those seconds. Because I want to escape and hide my head under the sand like an ostrich. Even if the sand gets into the eyes, it seems better than being laughed at.

A failed self-introduction gave me the idea of leaving from the first day I joined the company.

in less than a month, I resigned with a salary of more than 500.

at that time, I really felt that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fit in.


and then what?

hate ministers who ignore me, write angry tweets in the middle of the night, and scold the student department for just having fun? Because his story is not interesting enough, not taken seriously, so vowed never to go to Guangzhou to participate in cultural activities? Because the colleagues in the company are not enthusiastic enough, so they are determined to become a freelancer and no longer be bound by others?

Don't be silly, the first two ways are just punishing others by punishing yourself, and the most embarrassing thing is that you can't hurt the people you hate at all, and the last one is a pipe dream. You don't even know what your profession is, just talk about "freelancers".

because there are some problems, it will disappear because we choose to escape.

they will only continue to engulf your life, giving you the wrong thinking inertia, blaming the outside world for problems, rather than thinking about whether you can improve yourself. Over time, you will lose the possibility of progress, the whole body exudes a kind of inexplicable grievance, it seems that nothing is pleasing to the eye, and nothing is agreeable to do.

and when I think about it carefully, I find that when I was in the department, I didn't regard myself as a part of myself. Every time I get a text message from work, I always think about how to escape. Usually the dinner organized by the minister can hide as well as he can. No wonder the minister forgot my number one person.

at that event in Guangzhou, I only focused on expressing myself when I spoke, and talked about my experiences and feelings throughout the article. Ignoring the topic and exceeding the allotted time, it's no wonder that others want to switch to the next topic quickly.

when I arrived at the company, it was even more silly. A failed self-introduction was interpreted by me as "my colleagues despise me". So I kept making excuses for myself, finding fault with the company's system, complaining about the company's bad in moments from time to time, that is, vaccinating the people around me so that they wouldn't be too surprised by my quick resignation.

so what are we sad about when we are sad about "blending into difficulties"?

incompetence, incompetence in communication, incompetence in self-expression, incompetence in doing things.


especially when we want to integrate into a group, it's easy to put ourselves in a very modest position.In a humble position, and then constantly magnify your "incompetence".

I feel that my theories are all wrong, for fear that others will find out that I am an idiot.

and "too humble" can only lead to two results. one is to become so introverted that you lose the opportunity to let others know you. The second result is even more frightening, the whole person will show a state of attack, with "look down on others" this extreme way to hide their own incompetence.

A lot of people don't know what real communication is.

I met a friend who took mutual messages and likes in moments as communication. For example, when we talk about the editor of a large account, he says triumphantly: "he, I know very well, he is very nice."

later, when I saw the editor and asked the "very familiar" friend, they said, "Yes, leave me messages all day long, and I am embarrassed to ignore him every day."

Real communication should be equal.

even if the two people have different professional levels, they are allowed to express their own opinions. A senior photographer once said to me, "photographers can become writers, but writers can hardly become photographers."


You'll be turning heads with our magical colelction of maternity wedding dresses. Happy to help you to choose your dreaming garments.

he said, "because photography does subtraction, while writing does addition." What we think about is how to express our thinking with the simplest composition, light. What you are thinking about is how to use words to promote feelings step by step, and then create an atmosphere for readers to think. "

in fact, when he said this to me, he only had more than 3,000 followers. I didn't even dare to call myself a "freelance writer." I only dared to call myself a writer. On the other hand, he is the boss of a design company. If I had been a little more self-abased at that time, maybe I wouldn't have asked "why" and quietly wrote down his words as evidence that he despised writing.

but when we really communicate and talk about what movies we like and what books we read, we find that seniority is no longer the focus of the conversation. We will directly tell each other what we think and help each other analyze problems from our own point of view. Although I have not achieved much, I have provided as much help as I can.

"actually that's enough." That's what he said to me.

in fact, as long as you have ten words with one person, you can know if the other person has something.

so when you encounter "integration difficulties", you might as well show your due strength and take seriously the first ten words with everyone. Don't grovel, don't express your desire too strongly, truly reveal your heart, I think that's enough. A month ago, I wrote an article entitled "it's important to know how weak you are in your twenties". There was a passage in it:

his interest has become his career, as I said. He never takes "interest" as a cover for weakness, but with the mentality of "do your best if you like it", step by step closer to the word "professional".

isn't it the same to integrate into a certain group? first, you can treat others as your own people, and you don't have to be too active and communicate in a timely manner, and then give full play to your abilities and get the recognition of others step by step.

everyone slowly changes from "incompetence" to "material", but if we blindly ignore our own incompetence and blame all our shortcomings on the external environment, then we may be reduced to indignant youth who are respectfully stayed away by others, and the level has been stuck in the "incompetence".

Don't treat yourself like garbage, because others are not trash cans.

recommend reading

it's important to know how weak you are in your twenties

"by the way, before good night, buy me a bottle of Vitasoy