A story about drifting with the current, and from afar.
I just saw a message from a reader, and it was interesting that the word "almost" appeared three times in his message.
he said that he almost poked a tear and almost sat in the classroom crying almost like an idiot.
luckily "almost", otherwise I'm afraid he'll blame me for being a fool. The reader's profile picture is very interesting. It is a screenshot of a question and answer on Zhihu.
ask: "what is the most beautiful sentence you have ever heard?"
answer: "what does the Great Sage want to do?"
"tread on the south sky, broken spirit night."
"if you don't come back."
"then you'll never come back!"
this answer reminds me of the Legend of Wukong. Sun WuKong in that book is no longer as majestic as Journey to the West, but full of solemn and stirring colors. Although the Great Sage in the Legend of Wukong also seems to be omnipotent, heaven and earth, sweeping heaven and earth, unstoppable, but where everything is today, those seem to be fate, the Great Sage must rise up and fail.
that's why I stared at the reader's avatar for nearly 15 minutes.
the sentence "never come back" is followed by an exclamation point, which looks free and easy, but in essence it looks like helplessness that is about to overflow from the throat. Just like us, we always think that hard work and even anger can change our destiny, but even effort and anger are the arrangement of fate.
the maverick you think you are is actually just another way to go with the flow.
I have a good friend who has played since childhood. Call him good luck.
good luck joined the army in Yunnan last year.
all along, no matter what I do, my luck is better than mine. Even if I am proud of my writing, if I really compare it with him, I can only be a piece of cotton, and the word "thorns" must be given to him, because whether it is the narrative rhythm or the grasp of words, he is not at the same level.
when I was still watching Haruki Murakami's 1Q84, he began to stay up all night reading Rousseau's Theory of Social contract. He once called me at 02:30 to ask me to go out for midnight snacks. I had just fallen asleep at that time, and I was afraid that he wanted me to accompany him because he was lovelorn, so he asked, "what are you doing eating midnight snacks so late?"
"I can't sleep."
"look at your Rousseau."
"I've read it all. Can you bring me two copies?"
"get out." I hung up and set my phone to flight mode.
when I got up the next day, I saw five missed calls, and then after four o'clock there was a text message that read, "I'm going to be a soldier."
I bounced out of bed and called him while brushing my teeth.
after ringing five times, he answered.
I said, "Damn it, where is it?"
this time he is listless: "at home."
"would you like to have breakfast?"
when he appeared at the door of the cafe, he wore a clean head.
he sat down and the first sentence was: "I'm going to be a soldier."
when I was about to ask "why", he said, "the family is short of money."
"what's wrong?" I asked.
"gamble," he looked at the menu as if it were a small thing. "they came to me. I turned off all the lights that night and sat alone in the living room until dawn. I went to ask, undergraduate students to join the army, including the subsidies of our town and village, we can add up to 100,000. "
he picked up the teapot and poured me water. I didn't get over it. I just saw his hand shaking slightly.
shake very carefully.
u 200d just as we hold back our tears.
No wonder in that half month, no matter where I asked him out, he could find a different excuse to avoid it perfectly.
I asked good luck, "do you want to join the army?"
"No," smiled luckily, and then said, "but I can't help it." I have passed the medical examination and will leave at the beginning of the month. "
seeing that I was silent, he first said, "it's all right. I'll be back in two years."
I forgot what we talked about later, probably avoiding the words "dream", "vision" and "plan". Because in the next two years, I don't think these things will pass faster. Good luck once choked up, he said: "you know, I really do not want to go, why do I have to go?"
I won't talk and wait for him to continue.
"wasn't it supposed to be good? I myself planned to confess my love to her next semester, but I didn't even dare to tell her that I was going to be a soldier. "
Don't comfort people who are sad, because it will make them more sad.
"but it's all right. Which college student can earn so much money in two years?" Is that right? And think of it as exercise. " Good luck is like schizophrenia, choking up in a second, and learning how to face life with strength in this second.
but I know that it is a ghost that is strong and helpless.
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A year has passed, and in this year, I have called good luck several times.
he told me interesting stories about the troops, as well as their dangerous moments. I told him about the messy situation and my troubles. I said, "it looks good, but I know better than anyone that it's all 'looks'."
after we finished, we fell silent.
on the other side of the phone, he seems to be in an uncomfortable sitting position because his breathing sounds a little heavy.
when he spoke, he asked me, "Thorn, have you ever thought about where your next stop is?"
I couldn't answer at the moment, because the words "next stop" really knocked me down. I went to Shanghai during the summer vacation and listened to several interesting lectures there. I still remember that on the subway to Pudong Airport, I posted a circle of friends saying, "I like this city, and I will come again."
but after coming back, slackness once again occupied my nerves. I began to stop thinking about the question of "where to go in the future". I gradually became satisfied with my present life, and inadvertently fell into another comfort zone.
in fact, I know better than anyone that no desire is a terrible state. Because we can not maintain a lifetime of no desire, perhaps at this moment I think "this is enough", but only in the consumption of their own future and the reserves left by the struggle.
after the profligacy is exhausted, you will fall into another round of panic, and then scold yourself for being unworthy.
"I don't know. I don't seem to have anywhere I want to go. What about you? Want to come back? "
I answered his question with questions in order to hide my confusion. But good luck is so clever that he can see through it at a glance.
good luck said, "Yes, but I'd rather go to Shanghai." I'm afraid I'm going to be out of touch with the times, so I want to go to more big cities before I go back to school. If you really don't know where you're going, go to all the big cities for me first, and then tell me where it's worth going. "
I feel a little guilty because I have a lot of opportunities to go to the "next destination", but it's all wasted.
I thought about it for a long time, and then I said, "OK, yes."
after the phone hung up, good luck sent me a message, which said:
"although sometimes we are always pushed by life, it is very helpless, but don't forget where we want to go. Because where you are doesn't determine what kind of person you are, but your direction can. Although it is very corny, I still want to tell you: come on. "