Can I give up?
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the last week was very sad. I posted my moments at two o'clock in the morning for two nights in a row. One was "if you feel tired, fall down, anyway, there is nothing behind you", and the other is "when can you die without concern?" What the two moments have in common is that I set up a group to be visible, and only three people see it, two friends and one family.
this is my first group moments. I used to think that "grouping visible" was something that very stingy or even petty thieves would do, thinking, "I haven't done anything shady. Why not let others see it?"
later, due to work reasons, all kinds of people were added, and posting on moments began to become a cautious thing. I began to care about what other people think of you, just as I sometimes felt happy when I saw some big names in a negative state. I thought, "Hey, such a powerful person will be depressed sometimes."
most of the time, however, the people I pay special attention to and admire are not negative in their moments. When I asked my friend this question, he said, "because not everyone is ready to see the negative side of you. Once the negative energy is exposed, it is tantamount to self-destruction."
so recently I have been thinking about a question: do we always envy the people we see with our own eyes who live extremely glamorous and positive lives because they are only willing to expose the "we envy" side when they expose themselves?
their negative energy may only survive in the "grouped visible" that very few people can see.
A few months ago, I met a girl studying in Shanghai. Because of the bad environment at home, my father was fond of gambling and borrowed usury, and my mother was weak and didn't say anything about divorce. coupled with some emotional entanglements with her boyfriend at that time, she suffered from anorexia for a long time as a sophomore.
"at that time, I often vomited when I ate. Once in the dorm, I felt the food in my stomach surging and flushing down my throat, so I pretended to put down the bowl and stood up. I was already trying to resist the impulse in my mouth when I touched the doorknob of the bathroom," she said. "even so, I quickly turned on the water to the loudest, knelt down by the toilet and vomited. And come out pretending to be all right. Because I don't want them to see the weak side of me.
"they have always labeled me high achiever, popular and beautiful. The funny thing is, while enjoying the labels they put on me, I always feel in my heart that they have no idea what I've been through in private. "
another thing comes to mind. Last semester, my roommate Orange originally planned to go to Chongqing with her boyfriend during the holiday, but later, for some reason, her boyfriend let her fly. One day when we were walking around the playground after dinner, Orange told me about it with a laugh and said, "my boyfriend has gone to an internship to earn money to save the bride for graduation so that he can marry me."
but before I went to bed that night, when I was having fun playing with my phone, the bedside curtain was opened by an orange. She looked at me and closed it again. It wasn't long before my phone received a new message from Orange. "in fact, I cried all night last night. I had already changed my train ticket once because of accommodating his time, which conflicted with the time for my family to travel. I also lied to my family that I didn't have time to go to the exam, but this time I even figured out which dress to wear, so he told me he couldn't go."
after reading her Wechat, I remembered that I heard the sound of smoking paper towels in the next bed in the middle of the night. I thought Orange had caught a cold and specially adjusted the air conditioner up twice.
I, who claims to be her closest friend, did not expect that she, who would joke that "a good course is worth taking again and again," would hide and cry at night.
I am ashamed that we are very close, but we seem to know nothing about each other in terms of negative energy.
recently, because of the internship, several editors stay together every day. A few nights ago, we went out for midnight snacks. Oddly enough, we said almost all the hidden words in the street stalls last night.
Zhang Jingshi said that he was also under a lot of pressure, but he never dared to admit it in front of us, so he always pretended to be positive in front of us. "but in fact, I don't want to care about your feelings at all," he said. Eel whales say that she doesn't like writing at all. Every time I have to put myself on the agenda and hand in the manuscript to type on the keyboard. I said that several years ago, I thought that if it were not for my family, I would not be alive long ago.
these negative energy words that make people wonder, "is this person still the one I know during the day?" we burst out last night. What's even weirder is that the day after we got up after going back to the dorm at three o'clock, none of us mentioned what we said that night.
We continue to post some particularly positive moments and continue to point to our desks while visiting some beautiful home stores and say, "We should keep one in our office in the future." but in fact, everyone hopes that sometimes we can say it completely, as we did in the late-night stalls that night, instead of quietly locking up the photos and posting moments that can be seen in groups but no one understands.
I think everyone learns to show the smiling side that others like, hide the same ordinary frustration, and then release it in the "group visible" space where no one sees it.
this is why sometimes what you see is not always true. Because we laugh and laugh every day, we have to show others the side of life we want to show.
you have no idea how long it took the beautiful girl who just came out of the bathroom to cry in the cubicle.Make up and make sure you don't let others see tears; you don't know to say "be positive, someone will be better in the future" in your moments every day. When you can't sleep at night, pull out the prescription medicine in the innermost drawer and hesitate again and again whether to use this method to relieve anxiety.
you can't even detect the negative energy of your best friend's deliberate patience, and you can't see through the frustration in the words of those close to you. You think that what you see is everything, that everyone is as valiant as it appears in your circle of friends, but in fact you don't know anything, you are just blindfolded by other people's "special groups" and think that everyone around you is doing well.
We misunderstand others, and others misunderstand us. We all mistakenly thought that each other was living as we imagined. But it's no big deal, because we're all willing to live in each other's special groups, and we'll probably be happier that way.