It is less than a thousand cups for a bosom friend, but more than a word without speculation.
in the past, I envied those people who had the talent of "natural familiarity". They were so delightful that they could always mingle with strangers in a completely strange place at a very fast speed. Even the canteen aunt's hands, which were shaking like epilepsy while scooping food, could be restored in an instant.
but I can't. I'm a very loner. During the whole college period, the sentence I said most probably was "No, you go." There has never been a regular friend to eat together, every day is packed back to the dormitory for dinner, because do not like unnecessary lively, so willing to be a loner. At that time, I firmly believed that good people were always loners and indulged in narcissism of loneliness.
although loners are not necessarily good.
during my freshman year, I just broke up with my girlfriend at that time. I broke up with my girlfriend for ten years. I was so depressed that I didn't go home during the holiday. After seeing off my roommates, I played the computer in the empty dormitory every day, and the takeout boxes at my feet were piled like a hill. I played from the afternoon to the middle of the morning. Then I began to sleep and woke up in the afternoon.
I wanted to talk to someone and someone to accompany me for a walk, but I rummaged through my address book and couldn't find anyone who could send a message. The vibration of my mobile phone is also a rare thing for me. I am eager to receive anyone's attention, but in fact, only Wechat and Subscription account shock me once in a while.
at that time, I didn't have any company or anything I wanted to pursue, so I had to play the computer again and again, over and over again.
finally, at 05:00 in the morning on the third day, I threw away my mouse and keyboard, hugged the quilt and burst into tears.
the sound of crying moved freely in the empty dormitory, and the echo from hitting the wall stung my ears. It was the first time I experienced the taste of "emptiness" and "loneliness". At that time, I swore that I needed company, that I would never be a loner again, and that I would not live alone.
from that day on, I began to fit in deliberately, and the most thing I did was to ask people around for a drink.
the wine table is a magical place. Between pushing cups and changing cups, it seems that people who don't know each other can become good brothers at the risk of life and death at a time. Coupled with some of my cleverness, it is always difficult to meet opponents in playing boast dice, so it is very popular at the wine table, and all people are scrambling to choose me as their teammates.
as soon as the meal is over every day, someone will send me a message, "Summer, continue tonight, we still have to rely on you to drink to death that son of a bitch on the other side."
at that time, my sense of existence was overwhelming. I felt that I had become a social expert. I no longer had to worry about not finding someone to date. I not only got company, but also the satisfaction of being needed.
it takes 45 minutes to play a lol from the beginning to the end of the game;
from conception to end, it takes three hours to write an article;
from chord to fingering, it takes two days to practice a new song.
while the opposite side called out "two ones" on the wine table, I split him and won the cheers of the whole audience, which only took two seconds.
so during that time, I stopped playing games, stopped writing, and even the nylon strings of the guitar were covered with rust.
one day, however, I was going to refuse an invitation from my friends because of a stomachache, but I was still dragged to the wine table. They "can't do without you" and fill my wine glass again and again, leaving me no room for manoeuvre.
after three rounds of drinking, I finally vomited in the bathroom. There was blood in the vomit everywhere, and the upwelling stomach acid made me burst into tears. No one cares why I've been in the bathroom for so long, including friends who keep saying "I can't do without you".
I looked at the direction of the wine table through the door of the bathroom and dared not go out. Looking at them blushing and laughing, I suddenly felt stupid, and a strong sense of emptiness and loneliness hit me, even more violently than last time.
it suddenly dawned on me that I am not from the same world with them at all. Not only do I have nothing to talk about, but even there is a lack of real concern. On the surface, the so-called friendship is only based on alcohol. It makes me think that I am needed, but I just need my help to split the wine and give money.
gregarious in a bad environment, it is more frightening to socialize with a group of people in a different world than to be alone. It paralyzes your nerves like a drug and makes you feel valuable, so you can be happy in a short period of time and have no need to pursue other values after indulging in it.
this makes me feel terrible. I never thought that there was such a side of "gregariousness" that I had always envied, so I had to run away. I would rather live alone than such a gregarious person.
until I find out what I really like.
there is a word in Japanese, which is literally translated as "phase sex". It means both "character coincidence" and "fate".
the first time I met the chaos was in September. In just two months, I went from miscellaneous readers to volunteers for their activities, and then from volunteers to writers. When he was having dinner with thorns in Guangzhou last week, he suddenly said, "it's amazing. In fact, we really began to get to know each other not long, but we seem to have known each other for a long time."
I smiled back to him: "because we have high sex."
think about it for a moment. Over the past two or three months, I have met a lot of new friends in chaos, writing articles together, organizing activities, staying up all night and sleeping together. After tweeting "A Zhou" in Guangzhou that night, I chatted with Ze Peng Zhiyuan in the Internet bar all night. Speaking of tears in his eyes, Ze Peng said, "I have forgotten the last time I was with a group of like-minded people."Since when do people work together to achieve a goal? "
everyone in the world has different personalities and likes and dislikes, and it is a very lucky thing to find people who are highly related to each other and snuggle up to each other. So recently I've been thinking-this is the gregarious thing I want, but luckily I didn't wait in vain.
in order to meet someone who is highly sexual with you one day, all the previous solo work has its meaning, which makes you a better self and kills the possibility of wasting your life on meaningless people.
so, before I met you, I would rather be alone all my life than be gregarious for the sake of gregariousness.
I wonder if you, like me, are living alone in order to wait for the one who fits you.
but you should also know that what I mean by "waiting" is not "waiting for a rabbit", and "living alone" is not "working behind closed doors", it just reminds you not to be hungry. So while making yourself better, you should also be good at finding and finding people who are highly sexual with you, and to socialize with people you like.
just like two months ago, if I hadn't decided to take part in the first episode of "not coming to the Cinema" and didn't really get to know the mess, I might not have met a group of people with high sex with me by now. may still be alone on the road of writing.
A lot of things are like this. If you do it, you may not have a result, but if you don't do it, there will be no result.
maybe there may not be the person you are looking for in these places, but if you don't come, you will never meet him.
recently Huiyi City and SoWhat found that they planned to hold a concert on the evening of Singles' Day with the theme "being single is harmful to your health". This time, in order to wait for each interesting place for you to find a suitable place, they not only set up a "singles area" and "dog abuse area", but also have a healing playlist of "healing love song × bomb field fast song" that night.
there will be a large group of interesting people at this concert, and you may also meet people with high sex with you.
so if you want to join, why don't you "send name + phone number" to SoWhat to find mianmianjiang925 and sign up?
"good night, everyone"
in fact, I know that those lonely people are lonely
not because they are not sociable, but because they do not want to be gregarious.