As long as you are anxious enough, any happiness will bring a sense of guilt.
I need this happiness.
my first reaction was to take a breath of cold air.
if you are an Arena of Valor player, click on your personal home page to find your game number, multiply it by 20 minutes, and you can get similar data.
then I began to blame myself, shutting down the interface, opening ppt to the blank picture and thinking about the plan that didn't exist, completely forgetting that it was 2: 00 in the morning to get off work.
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"I have to do something, I have to do something, I have to do something."
even if I put on goggles and earplugs and lie down in the dark, this inner monologue still hits my body like ten thousand lights, and my body gets hotter every time I hear it. I keep turning over and adjusting my sleeping position to avoid being scalded by it, but it doesn't help.
as long as there is a little deterioration, even the slightest bit, the organism will be constantly eroded, infected, eroded, and destroyed by the breeding microbes, until it becomes beyond recognition.
when it first came to mind, not only did games become synonymous with evil, but among other things, I began to judge myself more and more.
what's the use of spending two hours watching Summer in the Band? What's the use of catching up with the latest episode of Naoki 2? What's the use of playing the guitar all night? What's the use of browsing the information stream of Weibo Zhihu Douyin? What's the use of hanging out with friends for a day?
I don't know when to start, playing games, chasing dramas, watching variety shows, surfing the Internet, and even socializing normally, which are supposed to give us "happiness". Under the catalysis of anxiety, they all put on the cloak of "guilt".
and nine times out of ten, "usefulness" here means being able to make money (so that you can make money now or in the future).
when I looked around, I suddenly found that the people in the middle of the fence were all young people living in first-and second-tier cities.
when I first came to Shanghai, I learned that the meaning of the house called "one-bedroom" and "single room" here is completely different from that of Guangzhou.
in Shanghai, the same word is interpreted as "one of the rooms in a house", that is, the bedroom door is your only door, while other residents in the house are randomly assigned by the intermediary.
believe me, no one will be happy to live in this environment. However, it is difficult for most young people to pay 5.6k rent in order to live alone, and it is also difficult not to be anxious in this environment.
at that time, I thought to myself, as long as I gnash my teeth and do well enough to earn more, my troubles will naturally become less.
you may think that they are suffering from middle-class disease and are still worried that they are not bad enough. How many people can't eat?
this is the cruelty of the big city, it shows you the brightest side, and at the same time clearly price it all, reminding you who are eager to try but can't reach the fruit to say, "you don't deserve it. Because you don't work hard enough."
and once you feel guilty, the sin cannot be atoned for. Because in front of the goal, there will always be a new goal.
after hearing this, I joked with my friends and said, "good boy, I really regard myself as a tool of production."
how can "how much money can be earned" be used as a measure of whether a period of time is meaningful or not? It's ridiculous.
but I couldn't laugh soon.
is there a big difference between me and the people I am not ashamed of?
We don't care about how much time we spend eating, we don't feel guilty about the time we spend eating, because people know that satiety is necessary.
who is implying that happiness is not a necessity for human survival?
Don't fall into the biggest trap of this anxiety era--
I just want to tell you that everyone's life is made up of many parts, including the part of working hard for the future, the part of enjoying oneself, the part of giving love for others, and some moments that can be devoted to the "do nothing" part, each of which has its indispensable meaning.
you have the right to match the time structure of your life.
I hate selling anxious messages on new media. Stop talking to me about nipple music.
it's not humiliating, not at all.
what we should do is to accept the right that already belongs to you, allocate the proportion of each item, and then complete it at our best.