Do you really know what you like?
"I really like music and want to form a band."
after Ah Ping begged me for the fifth time, I finally decided to let him try.
his name is Ah Ping. Just like his name, he is the kind of person who will be forgotten after throwing him into the crowd for five seconds.
after the association recruits every year, social celebrities and acquaintances can quickly find like-minded people to hang out in small organizations, and there will be some people who don't fully know people in the same department after a semester.
Ah Ping certainly belongs to the latter.
there are two kinds of people who speak very little in this world, one is as lazy as Yuanxia, and the other is a little boy like Ah Ping who has low self-esteem.
boys of this age have similar reasons for inferiority: they have zero sense of existence at the end of the crane, average appearance and empty wallets.
and Ah Ping took up all of these.
when talking to me, Ah Ping never dared to look me in the eye, either staring at the hole in his blackened running shoes, or erratically and carefully watching for acquaintances passing by and playing with his fingers.
"will you listen to me carefully?" I couldn't stand it and yelled at him.
"I'm sorry, brother. I'm sorry." Ping said four words of apology to me like a repeater, but almost choked out a few tears to apologize to me.
but the stage is really a magical place. Since their band got on the track, their performances on various occasions, Ah Ping, who used to look like a pair, has gradually been illuminated by the spotlight.
until recently, I overheard that their performance was getting worse and worse.
the drummer of their band came to me to complain, saying that Ah Ping didn't want to come to rehearsal recently.
it turns out that Ah Ping recently got a new girlfriend, and that was the first little fan girl in his life. Compared with her, rehearsal seems to be an optional thing. Ah Ping even opened a room with Xiaomimei the night before he went on stage, and then dragged his soft body to the stage the next day.
at first I was very angry and yelled at him with a belly of anger, but unexpectedly, he put his hand on my shoulder and said to me, "Brother, don't you think rehearsals ruin a song? if a favorite song is repeated dozens of times, it really doesn't feel good. No matter how good the song is, you will get tired of singing too much. I still prefer the feeling of performing on stage. "
the prepared monologue could no longer be said as if it were stuck in my throat, and it took me a long time to say, "well, I'm glad you like it."
in fact, this is not the first time I have encountered such a situation. although they keep saying that they like something, when they find a new sustenance, they think that the original thing is no more than this. This makes me wonder: do they really like what they keep saying "like"?
after hard rehearsals, sweating and playing the guitar to his fingers, Ah Ping finally got a chance to show himself, but soon ruined all his previous efforts. Let me realize that, in fact, what Ah Ping likes is not music at all, but a great desire for a sense of existence because of his long-term inferiority complex.
so when he has a halo, a little girl, attention, and even someone who loves him, the attraction and vanity brought to him by the stage are naturally concealed.
I think of Dapeng's crazy pursuit of a girl in my class not long ago, and that's why I met him.
Annie is recognized as a goddess in the department. There are many boys chasing Annie. To what extent, I can stand on the rooftop and throw a ball of paper downstairs. I can hit a boy who has confessed his love to Annie.
but this is the first time I have seen someone as fierce as Dapeng.
not to mention the standard pursuit package of sending breakfast, Dapeng has used all the pursuit methods that most people can think of.
what makes me feel admired is that Dapeng even hooked up with me for Annie. I may not even be able to say ten words to Annie in a semester.
soon after, Dapeng stood in front of me in a victorious manner, putting his arms around Annie's little shoulder, his eyes full of air, like a hunter returning with a full load after hunting.
but the good times didn't last long. Dapeng began to complain to me frequently. He told me that he was not happy with Anne at all. Annie was always sick with a princess and didn't do well.
"forget it," I said directly to Dapeng. "you don't so much like Annie as you just like the feeling of getting Annie, right?"
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without saying a word, Dapeng drank three glasses of wine in a row, and then began to grab his hair and scratch his scalp crazily. I didn't think I would be left hanging like this, so I looked very embarrassed.
after a long silence, Dapeng suddenly sobbed and said to me indistinctly, "I don't want to either."
the arrogant hunter is long dead, and now he looks like a dog.
"I don't know when I can no longer be with a person. When a girl is chased by me, I immediately become bored and feel that the other person is full of shortcomings, so I break up quickly. After breaking up, I throw myself into the next chase. In fact, I am so tired. I don't know what I want."
during the four years of college, Dapeng caught up with countless beautiful girls, and many boys in the school were envious and jealous of Dapeng.
but at this moment, I really feel that he is the loneliest person, extremely pitiful.
people always say that nowadays "love" is becoming more and more casual, rampant, and cheaper.
I think it's because too many people are confused.After desire and love, they regard "need" as "love", so they often talk about "love".
what Ah Ping needs is a "sense of existence", but he projects it on the matter of forming a band. What Dapeng needs is the desire to conquer, but he thinks he has found true love again.
although they look very similar, they are essentially two opposite things.
"need" is to get, while "like" is to give.
most of the time we think we like something very much, but in fact we don't know what we want at all, so only when what we really want appears, can we find that what we said "like" was nothing more than that.
and we are not aware of it, so we waste too much energy on "riding a donkey to find a horse".
when Dapeng was saying goodbye that night, he asked me, "what should I do to really like someone?"
I can't speak because I know it's not easy to find what I really want and like.
but if you see a sentence today, you can quote it here. Salinger, author of broken Story Heart, describes "love" in this way:
some people think that love is sex, marriage, a kiss at six o'clock in the morning, a bunch of children, maybe it is, Miss Leicester. But you know what I think? I think love is about touching and withdrawing hands. "
maybe it's the same with the "like" thing. Good night.